CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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