For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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