We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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