so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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