I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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