it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
