dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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