well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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