why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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