Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
