R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
