i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
