oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
