she woke up with a sticky ear
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
