I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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