he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
