Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
