well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize