Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're a waste of cheezeits
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
