he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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