the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
