Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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