Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
