I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We're facebook friends in real life
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
