You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
