We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
