i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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