goodnight i made you a song goodbye
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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