OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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