Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
