So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
