When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
