He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Shame - the story of my life.
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