Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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