she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
