I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i out mim tonsoeep
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
