I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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