so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
