How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
