You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
