I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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