Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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