You made me cry and you don't even care
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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