hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
