in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
