Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
