Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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