omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
