I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
