There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Shame - the story of my life.
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