Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
