My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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