turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you never un-have a 4some
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
