even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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