Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
