I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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