Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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