im holly from the hills drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
