woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
