Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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