you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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