I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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