we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
