Jerry, you need to find god
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Best friends brother. Beat that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
