So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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