No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
