shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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