Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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