Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
