I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
