I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
