You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
