the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
