; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
