So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
