I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
