yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
