i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm too high and old for this...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
