Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
