He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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