I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Randomize
