You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
