i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.