Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with