I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm