She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
