At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
