he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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