Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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